Bats, Cats, and Street Rats
by TheLilyoftheValley
Summary: In order to get a better understanding of criminals, Bruce rooms with Selina in her apartment. Random adventures and hi-jinks ensue. (Takes place in Season 2 when Bruce roomed with Selina) (Pic from Google)
1. Cooking Catastrophe

_(It is August 1st, and I have this strong urge to publish a new story. I have decided to start a series of oneshots revolving around Bruce and Selina. This is a 100%, totally new concept... These oneshots will take place during the middle of Season 2, when Bruce and Selina were living together. I felt that the show could have stretched out their living together for a few more episodes, if not the rest of the season._

 _I have many chapters planned out [maybe fifteen total?], but if I run out of ideas, then I will start taking requests. Just, please do not swamp me with requests. It's a lot more fun to get compliments instead of orders, and I understand that a lot of you would want to see your idea turned into a story but..._

 _For those of you that have read Soothing an Angry Enigma, you are caught up in the terminology I have created. If you lose track of how many terms might show up, tell me and I will insert an interlude that will explain and lay out all of the terms._

 _Without further ado, let's get right into this series!)_

 **Disclaimer: I do not own GOTHAM or any of its characters. But I do wish upon a star...**

Cooking Catastrophe

Selina stormed into the apartment, ready to tear out the throat of any person that talked to her. Her heist had been "successful"; she had only stolen one item of jewelry out of the fifty she had originally wanted.

She had been planning it for weeks, ever since her magazines had first announced the massive fundraiser. Bruce could testify; more than once he had slipped on the blueprints to the vaults, the magazines specifying what kinds of jewelry would be there, and the scripts as to how Selina was going to steal the items that littered their apartment's floor. A rich family she couldn't care less about was auctioning off magnificent pieces of antique jewelry, along with petitioning their fellow Rich Rats for more money. The money was supposed to go to a "charity" that would help clean up the streets of Gotham by providing better homes for those "less fortunate."

Selina would never tell Bruce, who had protested at the idea of her stealing from a charity project, that the Street Rats of Gotham would never see a penny of that money. Bruce himself was probably the only Rich Rat in Gotham that was actually helping the rotten city with his fortune. The other Rich Rats only used their fundraisers as a show they could put on while the money itself would go to buying a mansion in another country. The last thing Selina wanted to do was destroy that little spark of hope Bruce always held in his eyes, the I-can-make-everything-better-by-being-a-nice-person spark.

There were fifty pieces she had wanted to steal from the fundraiser. Thirty of them held massive jewels that would sell for millions on the High Black Market, and twenty of them were personal choices of Selina. Necklaces with gold lining, cradling emeralds, diamonds, sapphires, rubies. Rings studded with the same kind of gemstones, wrapping around one's finger with a design that had no other relatives. Bracelets that flowed off one's wrist and indicated power to every person in the room. Truly, it was a girl thief's dream come true.

Getting to the fundraiser had been easy. Hiding in a car on the ride there, climbing the scaffolding to the vault were the jewelry was kept away from any Rich Rat thief, breaking into said vault; the plan she had made went without a hitch. Until she got into the vault, that is.

A scrawny teenage boy, most likely one of the relatives of the Rich Rats holding the event, had stumbled into the vault with a drunk girl locked in his arms. They had crashed right into Selina, who had literally just got into the vault a minute before them. The girl had let out a scream that would have woken Bruce's parents, and Selina had grabbed the necklace she already had her gloved fingers on. She pocketed the piece and beat it out of the vault before security had a chance to corner her. Blind luck had helped her from then on (she hadn't planned for anyone to catch her in the middle of stealing); she took every shortcut she could remember from her maps and made it outside, where she had hotwired one of the cars, drove away, and crashed it just outside of Gotham (she didn't know how to drive, but when one is being chased by fat men with rifles, one must improvise). She made it out of the car and into Gotham before the men giving chase could catch her. She ran around the city for an extra hour, losing all of the men and specifically taking false routes in order to provide her a safeguard for the location of her hideout. She had never been this mad before, and she had a feeling-

Bruce looked up from the book he was reading and gave her a thousand-watt smile. "So, did the heist go well?"

Considering she had a jacket cut up by the bullets she had dodged, an empty pouch on her hip that was supposed to hold all of the items she had planned to steal, and a murderous look on her face that would have made Penguin impressed… yeah, a person could say the heist had been successful.

Bruce still wasn't that good at reading people.

"Say another word and I'll hang you upside down from the balcony," Selina growled, ready for a bubble bath and a nice long catnap.

Bruce stood up from the couch, confused. "I don't understand," he stated plainly.

Selina stalked past the worn couch Bruce was sitting on and went straight into her room and locked the door. A second later, she heard pounding on her door. "Selina, if the heist did not go well, I am sorry. Do you want to talk about?"

Yeah, talk to the brick wall that thought that showing negative emotions meant he was as weak as a cooked noodle.

"Bruce! It didn't go well, and I just want to be left alone right now! Could you take a hint for once in your life?!"

She heard steps away from the door. Heavier and quicker than normal. It meant that she had made him mad too. Good, anyone else want to mess with the furious feline?

She stripped off her heist clothes and filled the bathtub up with hot water and her favorite bubble bath syrup. In a few minutes, mountains of bubbles filled the tub to where Selina couldn't see the water. She slid into the tub and in a moment, she felt all tension leave her body.

If she had been able to steal all fifty items and sell the thirty items in the High Black Market as planned, she would have been able to massively upgrade her apartment. She could have bought a much better place, a whole new wardrobe, and still have enough to pay for ten kids college educations. Even the bath she was taking now would make a big dent in her savings, and she desperately needed a boost in her savings. But the only thing she had managed to steal a small necklace with a two emeralds and a sapphire. It could buy the upgrades needed for her hideout right now, like better security equipment, and also buy food for her and for Bruce for the next few months or so, but the rest she would need give to her Street Rat friends in order for them to survive. God knew Ivy wasn't doing too well.

She scowled at the water for no reason. Her ears picked up thumping sounds; Bruce's running footsteps (she knew from experience, he could run fast when he really was scared of her) and the slam of the door. Guess he was going out to get something. Probably milk chocolate to throw at her if he was smart enough, he had learned from experience not to get to close to her when Selina was mad at him.

After washing the night's hectic adventure off of her, she got out of the tub and put on her most comfortable pajamas. Selina grabbed the necklace out of the pocket of her jacket and put it in her personal safe. Before she went to bed for the night, she unlocked her room door and went to the kitchen.

A few stray cats rubbed up against her leg, while a few stayed back, not knowing what to expect. Selina grabbed a few pet bowls and filled all of them with cheap packets of tuna she had bought at the grocery store. They were actually pretty tasty for the price they were advertised, and she made sure to stock up on them whenever she went to the store.

Selina smiled as she watched the cats eat their meals. She remembered Bruce's reaction the first night he had moved in with her. He had run around with a broom sweeping and poking at the cats, yelling that she had an infestation and that he had half a mind to call an exterminator. It was even funnier when she had explained to him that these were her other non-permanent "residents."

She loved the confused look he always gave her. That cute one where he frowned and scrunched up his eyebrows while still trying to maintain an upper-crust aura.

Speaking of Bruce, he always left a note taped to the fridge before going anywhere without him telling her. She walked over to the fridge and lo and behold, a Post-It note stuck to the handle.

 _Selina, am going out to the store to get something to help you feel better. Did not take from Stash, am using my emergency funds. Will be back in an hour. -Bruce_

Selina rolled her eyes. He was sweet and nice, she hoped he could keep that attitude for the majority of his life, before Gotham City choked sweet and nice out of him. It was really good that he didn't take out of the stockpile of cash that she and him lived on (dubbed "the Stash" for short), but it was even cuter that he took his emergency debit card with him. He could buy them a penthouse to share and a pet shop, but doing so would alert his butler of what he was spending his money on, and Bruce was terrified about incurring his butler's wrath.

She took one last look at her cats and went off to bed. She wasn't hungry at all; disappointment did a very good job at filling one's stomach after a failed heist.

As she slipped under the covers of a few stolen blankets, she wondered what Bruce was getting. Probably some of those chocolate bars she ate when she needed a pick-me-up. She moved around on the mattress, trying to get into the position she always slept in. As Selina closed her eyes, she expected to wake up to a ruffle-haired Bruce with the biggest smile on his face as he handed her a dozen bars of her guilty pleasure.

* * *

Selina had to hand it to Bruce, he could always take her expectations of him and twist them into something else. That was about the nicest thing she could think of when the beeping of her fire alarm woke her up at 6:45 in the morning.

She snapped her eyes open and crawled out of bed. She sat on the edge of her mattress for a second before she heard a startled yelp. She shuffled out of her room and was immediately woken up by the sight she saw.

Bruce was wearing a cheesy apron that would have made Alfred sick, and he was messing with a fire hydrant. There were a few pans on the stove, and one had two foot flames shooting out of it. Bruce had a panicked look on his face, knowing that if he didn't fix this quick Selina would put him next his parents.

Selina ran over to Bruce, grabbed the fire extinguisher out of his white-knuckled hands, and blasted the flaming pan. In a second, the fire was out, and the fire alarm stopped beeping soon after.

Selina looked at Bruce, and immediately regretted it. He had a shocked expression on his face, and a little bit of that kicked-puppy look. She tried not to laugh at how dorky he looked with the apron and the expression on his face.

He straightened and put on his upper-crust attitude in an attempt to save the situation. "Good morning Selina. I trust you slept well?"

She looked over at the counter and stove and any anger she held vanished. Pancake batter, plastic wrappings, and unnecessary cooking implements littered the countertop, and there were a few wrappings on the floor. The flaming pan had held something that vaguely resembled bacon, and the other two pans held ruined pancake batter and eggs that had a few pieces of their shells in the whisked goop. The sink was full of cooking utensils Bruce had already used, and they were all sitting in a soapy mess of water.

Selina turned back towards Bruce, who fidgeted despite the upper-crust attitude on his face. He looked ready to bolt if he needed to.

She smiled. "Bruce," she asked softly, "Did you plan on making me breakfast?"

He gave an imperious sniff. "Of course Selina. I grabbed all the supplies that I needed from the store last night, along with a few other things as a back-up plan, and mapped out when to make it. I started forty-five minutes ago, putting the first batch of pancakes on-"

Selina looked over to the full trash bin and saw charred, black circles on top of the regular garbage. Looks like he didn't make the best first batch. There was also black-looking eggs and something else that she couldn't identify…

"- and then I would take the feast into your room and serve you breakfast in bed at exactly 7:30 in the morning," Bruce finished, looking quite proud of himself.

She turned off all the power to the stove, grabbed his hand, led him into the living room and sat him down on the couch that was his bed. He went back to looking confused and Selina forced down a giggle.

"Bruce," she started, thinking about how she wanted to phrase her words. "It was really sweet of you to try and make breakfast- "Bruce beamed at her words "- but I think you should leave the cooking to me."

Bruce's face fell. He turned back toward the kitchen and nodded. "It didn't seem so hard when I started."

Selina stared at him. "Did you read the instructions, or did you base it off of how you thought your butler made it?"

Bruce didn't say a word.

Selina sighed. "Bruce, I wasn't truly mad at you, or at anyone last night. I was mad at myself for not planning on failure. I was caught unprepared and if I hadn't improvised, I would be talking to Gordon right now."

Bruce tilted his head to his right. "How were you caught unprepared?"

Selina closed her eyes and tried not to blush. "This Rich Rat and his drunk girlfriend stumbled into the vault and into me. The girl screamed and alerted security before I could pocket more than a necklace."

Bruce shrugged. "It still should sell for a lot. It's nothing to worry about, Selina."

Selina opened her eyes and scowled at Bruce. Sometimes she wished he wasn't so clueless. "Bruce, the necklace will probably sell for a few hundred thousand dollars. The grand total of what I was planning on stealing was 20 to 40 _million_ dollars."

Bruce blinked, a blank expression on his face. Selina then realized that the grand total was probably how much his spit was worth per drop, a molecule in the bucket when it came to the Wayne fortune. He could throw away that amount of money and his butler wouldn't notice.

Bruce then shrugged. "So, I could always take out in case of an emergency…"

Selina sighed, but smiled. Bruce wouldn't be able to understand due to his lifestyle, but it wasn't his fault for being born into a superrich family.

"Yeah, I guess so," she said, not wanting to argue with the nice but clueless boy that almost burned her apartment down trying to make her breakfast in bed.

Bruce beamed, then panicked as the fire alarm started beeping again. He jumped up with a swear that Selina was sure he had picked up from living on the streets and ran into the kitchen. He continued to swear, and Selina heard a clang. He came back into the room with beet-red palms and an angry expression on his face.

"Well, I spent all that money on food, but the majority of it is all ruined. I even burnt all the cookies!" He plopped himself back onto the couch and blew into his slightly burned hands.

Selina blinked at him. "Bruce, you planned on giving me _cookies_ for breakfast?!"

Bruce rolled his eyes, but then gave her a confused look again. "Alfred always makes the best cookies whenever I'm depressed. I thought it would work on you."

She smiled. "Thanks Bruce, but those chocolate bars I always buy work better on me than cookies…"

He shuffled around and pulled out a plastic bag, apparently not hearing her previous statement. "I have one last resort just in case. The clerk gave me a funny look, but it was probably because I was buying so much."

Selina grinned. Maybe he had bought those chocolate bars after all…

He smiled as he handed her the bag. Bruce beamed when she saw what it was, then paled at her furious expression. He bolted out of his seat and shot toward the main door.

He made it to the door just as a Midol bottle (five hundred pills per bottle) sailed through the air and nailed him on the back of the head.

* * *

 _I don't know how often I will update this (I write a lot of long, heavily edited GOTHAM fics for those that don't know), but I will try to update this on a semi-regular basis._

 _For those that are waiting for an update on Soothing an Angry Enigma, I haven't been working on it that much because I have been trying to shorten the list of stories (you can see them on my bio, which I update every few days or so). I won't give up on it, but I do want to finish a few things before I publish the next chapter. I also discovered FictionPress, so..._

 _In essence, I am and will just drown in words._


	2. Nightmares

_(OMG! Where did I go?! Actually I was over in the Ratchet and Clank fandom, pouring my heart out into stories very few have favorited or reviewed. *sigh*_

 _I want to thank **Shian1998** for reminding me that this fic still exists... and needs an update. It's been like what, almost two months... *nervous laughter* I know, I'm really bad at these multi-chaptered stories. Hopefully I'll get better over time._

 _GOTHAM's third season has started, but I do not plan to use Season 3 in this fic. Mostly because I'm not on good terms with most of the characters at this point [don't mention Valarie, I can't stand her] , and also because I don't want to jump around from different points in time. This fic will stay firmly rooted in the time Bruce roomed with Selina, just broadening that time frame._

 _This chapter does seem a little cliche to me [you all knew this chapter was coming at some point] , but I haven't written for GOTHAM characters in a while. I am a little rusty, but I hope I got everyone in character and that I got the first scene somewhat right._

 _Hope you enjoy this chapter!)_

 **Disclaimer: I do not own GOTHAM or any of its characters. "Insert witty contrast here."**

Nightmares

 _He was there again._

 _This time, it was worse. The first time it had happened, he hadn't known what was coming. He had been naïve, and during that naivety he had sucked in every moment of happiness that he could get. Now, he knew that the worst moment of his life was going to happen right in front of him, all over again, and he knew no matter what he tried, he could not prevent what was going to happen._

 _Thomas Wayne smiled to his wife and son and nodded toward the dark alley. "Come on, let's cut through here. It's quicker than going around and we can get to Alfred much faster."_

 _Bruce wanted to scream, to yell at his father that he and his mother needed to run away from the alleyway as fast as they could. He wanted to drag them away from the alley, to anyplace that didn't lead his parents to an untimely demise. Instead, a perfect smile, full of innocence and youth, sat frozen on Bruce's face._

 _The three of them walked into the alleyway, and instantly, the darkness started to creep towards them. The shadows seemed to reach out and claw at the Wayne family's feet. The alleyway began to stretch out until Bruce couldn't see where it ended. Bruce's stomach churned, and he would have sold his soul to the devil in order to stop-_

 _The man morphed out of the shadows, the gun held tightly in his hand. His face was covered by a hood that was made out of those shadows, and he walked as if he was the king of the world. He pointed the gun at Thomas Wayne. "Give me your wallet," the man said, steel in his voice._

 _Naked fear shone in his father's eyes. Thomas held out his wallet and pleaded with the man. Bruce knew what was coming next, but he couldn't close his eyes._

 _The man ripped his mother's pearls off her neck, some of the pearls falling to the street. Thomas held out his hand to stop the gunman from hurting his wife, and the gunman, in fear of being overpowered, closed his finger around the trigger._

 _Bruce silently screamed as his world slowed to a halt, crimson spots blossoming from his parents' chests. It took forever before they hit the ground, and Bruce could plainly see the shocked looks on his parents' faces._

 _Bruce turned back around to the gunman, but was unable to move any further. He was rooted in the spot. The man pointed the gun at his head and chuckled. They were only a few feet apart; the gunman couldn't miss his shot. "No witnesses," the gunman said, his mask forming a hideous smile around where the mouth was supposed to be. Bruce watched, in slow motion, as the man squeezed the trigger._

 _A black shape jumped in front of Bruce and took the bullet for him. As soon as the black figure hit the ground, the gunman disappeared. The figure laid completely still on the ground._

 _Bruce felt himself rush over to his parents' bodies. "Mom?" he choked out, shaking her suddenly ice-cold body. She didn't move, and Bruce felt like his heart was being squeezed between two stones. He leaned over to his father's body, and slowly shook his father's still form. "Dad?" Bruce's voice cracked, and the boy could feel the tears that made their way down his face._

 _He didn't want to know who the third figure was, but his body moved involuntarily. He crawled over to the third figure, and rolled the body over until he could see its face._

 _Selina's shocked expression stared back at Bruce, and her mouth moved slightly. Bruce leaned an ear towards her mouth, and he could vaguely hear her voice call his name. The boy shook as he pulled himself away from her body._

 _"_ _ **This is all your fault, you know.**_ _" The voice was foreign and seemed to come out of every shadow in the alleyway. "_ _ **All your fault.**_ _"_

 _Bruce shook as ice slid through his veins. He looked back at his parents' bodies, hoping that they would be standing behind him. The voice made a tsking sound. "_ _ **If only you had warned your parents about what was going to happen…**_ _"_

 _Bruce turned away from his parents and ended up looking at Selina's body. The voice took on a disapproving tone. "_ _ **Look at what you did. You dragged her into this mess, and now she paid for it with her life. If only you had left her out of your 'crusade…**_ _'_

 _Bruce looked wildly around him, seeing if he could spot whoever was speaking to him. Each word the voice said cut into his chest and he got the urge to throw up again. "Show yourself!" Bruce screamed into the darkness._

 _The voice gave a warped laugh. "_ _ **Who else is going to die before you find out your nonexistent answers? Jim Gordon? Lucius Fox?**_ _" The voice was silent for a moment, and Bruce could almost see a wicked grin in the darkness. "_ _ **Alfred?**_ _"_

 _"No." Bruce struggled to breathe as he heard Alfred grunt in pain and scream his master's name in worry. "No!" he cried as his parents' lifeless bodies sat up and reached out for him. He looked down at Selina, and found his first real friend and crush stiff and lifeless under his hands._

 _"NOOOOOOOAAAAAHHHH!"_

"BRUCE! You need to wake up!"

* * *

Bruce felt something grab his pajama top, but before his assailant could try anything, he flipped the two of them around and pinned the person to the couch.

"Bruce! What the hell?!"

Bruce found himself staring into Selina's shocked eyes. He quickly let go of her and started mumbling apologies. "Selina, I am sorry for that…" His voice sounded strained.

Selina sat up slowly. "Are you okay? Cause right now you're crazier than Arkham at Christmas time!"

He just had a nightmare that made him physically sick and chilled him to his core. The last thing Bruce wanted to do was talk to Selina about it. Bruce crossed his arms defensively over his chest. "I'm sorry Selina, I should have never pinned you to the couch. I'm fine, it was just a bad dream." He hunched over and closed his eyes, and hoped he wouldn't vomit all over Selina's floor.

He felt arms wrap around him, and he looked to find Selina hugging him. "You were muttering my name in your sleep," she said quietly.

Bruce struggled to find the right words. "I-I, well, you see-"

Selina cut him off by laying her head on his shoulder. "Bruce, just tell me what happened." He shuffled uncomfortably for a moment before Selina spoke up again. "I won't tell anyone," she whispered, "not even Alfred."

Bruce pulled his arm out from her hug and wrapped it around her. Selina stiffened at the unusual gesture, but relaxed against Bruce as she felt him start to calm down.

Bruce swallowed. "I had a nightmare."

"Gee Bruce, I never would have guessed."

Bruce sighed at her sarcasm. He used his free hand to rub his temple. "It was about my parents, and… that night."

Selina hugged him a little tighter, and Bruce appreciated the gesture. Selina normally wasn't touchy-feely, like himself, but whenever he felt scared or helpless, Selina was always there to comfort him in her own little way.

"The nightmare started out the same as any other nightmare about that night would. Same alleyway, same suggestion to use it as a shortcut. The gunman came out of the shadows and…," Bruce swallowed and closed his eyes. Selina hugged him a little tighter.

"…Killed your parents," she finished for him.

Bruce nodded. "Yes," he squeezed out, the word barely a whisper, "Except this time he pointed the gun at me instead of walking away. He pointed the gun at my forehead and said, 'No witnesses.'" He fell silent again.

Selina let go of Bruce and straightened. She crossed her arms and narrowed her eyes in annoyance. "Come on, Bruce. Stop beating around the bush. Just tell me why you're so upset."

Bruce cleared his throat. "You were there…" He hoped she would just connect the dots, he couldn't bear to spell it out for her.

Selina's annoyed look only deepened. "Well, duh, of course I was there. I saw the whole thing from the fire escape, remember? There was that whole big 'betrayal' thing, when I was put into witness protection, even though I hadn't seen the guy's face." She scoffed. "Seriously, stop playing around! Just tell me what happened, or I'll chuck your emergency debit card out the window!"

Bruce felt sick. "Please, I don't want to-"

Selina poked his chest. "The only way you're going to feel better right now is if you talk out your dream. Now, tell me!"

"You jumped in front of me and took the bullet that was meant to kill me."

Everything was silent for a moment. Bruce stared at the floor, refusing to look Selina in the eye. "You jumped in front of me, and then the man disappeared. I ran over to my parents' bodies, but they were already dead. I crawled back to you, and…" He shook and Selina slowly wrapped her arms around him again. "Selina, you looked so surprised. You were whispering my name and I could feel you fading beneath my hands. Then this voice came out of the shadows, and told me that your deaths were all my fault. That, if I had said something, my parents would be alive today. That, if you had never joined my crusade, you would still be alive. A-a-and he… He asked me how many more would die before I gave up. I heard Alfred scream my name in worry, and, when I looked down at you…" Bruce choked on his words. "Selina, you were dead. And it was all my fault."

He shook harder. "What if I really do put your life in danger? What if my quest for answers hurts you, or even gets you-"

A hand smacked against his cheek, not hard enough to hurt him, but enough to jar his concentration. Selina pulled back her hand and crossed her arms. "Don't. Nothing is going to happen to me."

"But-"

"No." Selina stared right in Bruce's eyes. "I can handle myself in a dangerous situation, much better than you can. I always find a way to slink away." She rolled her eyes. "And besides, if something were to kill me, it would be something like revenge from one of the people I've stolen from."

Bruce nodded. "But what about my crusade? I don't want you to be killed because I dragged you into something dangerous."

Selina shrugged. "What I do to help you is my own choice. I can always not help you."

"Then why don't you?"

Selina gave another shrug. "You're fun to be around. Not every person can say that they helped Gordon, Bullock, and Penguin bust into a crazy cult ritual where you were the human sacrifice. Or that assassins hunted them down because the killers though you knew who killed your parents. Or that you've crashed at Bruce Wayne's place because the cops thought you were special."

Bruce chuckled and gave a small smile. "I guess not."

Selina nudged him. "You know what they say about cats, right?"

Bruce' smile widened a little bit. "That they have nine lives?"

"Actually, I was going for 'somewhat-lazy, adorable, thieving fluffballs,' but there's that too."

The two of them chuckled and looked away from each other. Selina wrapped her arms back around Bruce, and they leaned back against the couch. Bruce wrapped one of his arms around Selina, and the two ended up cuddling on the couch.

"Selina," he asked, one last question still on his mind, "would you take a bullet for me?"

She stiffened against him. "That's a really weighted question, Bruce."

He nodded. "I-If you want, you don't have to tell me."

She was quiet for a moment. "I'll answer your question with a question. Would you give up all your wealth and legacy for me?"

Bruce turned to her and found her looking at him. The two looked down at the other's chin. Bruce nodded his head ever so slightly, and found Selina doing the same thing.

Their eyes met, and Bruce suddenly felt happier than he had in a long time. A huge grin nearly split his face. Selina laughed and rubbed the top of his head. "Calm down it with your puppy love, Bruce."

Bruce suddenly lost his grin and became flustered. "Wait- no- That's not- I mean-"

She snuggled against him and pulled a blanket around their legs. "Shut up, and good night, Bruce."

Bruce laid his head against hers. A smaller smile worked its way back onto his face. "Good night, Selina," he whispered against her hair.

"You know that if you tell anyone about this, I'll have to kill you."

Bruce closed his eyes and chuckled. He breathed in the fruity smelling shampoo she used and immediately felt safe.

An hour later, the two were fast asleep on the couch, each wrapped in the other's warm, comforting embrace.

* * *

 _*cough* *hack* Sorry, breathed in too much fluff. And then I choked on my emo writing descriptions. Kind of early to start writing heavier chapters, but I have no friendship stories at the moment. I wrote this in limited time, and this was the easiest one to write out of all my chapter ideas._

 _This chapter does feel a little weird to me, but it's a lot better than how I felt about **All Aboard the Loony Bus**. That fic still doesn't feel right to me, but I don't have the heart [or willpower] to take it down. This chapter is a little better. Hopefully I'm just being paranoid about my writing like usual..._

 _Don't forget to favorite, follow, and review, I like it when you guys do that. And don't forget to check out my bio for an upcoming stories you want to keep an eye out for. ( **Soothing an Angry Enigma**. I know, you do not need to tell me. Like I said before, I'm bad with things that have multiple chapters.)_

 _I do have a whole week of exams coming up, so I won't be able to publish anything until after those are all done. I need to peace out right now because I actually need to start studying for one on Monday. See ya!_

 _XD_


	3. Pop Some Tags

_(First off, I want to warn my GOTHAM readers that this story may be drifting away from how the show portrays the characters. It is really hard for me to write oneshots that take place in one time period while the rest of the show moves on and develops the characters in their own way. I have been trying to keep the characters as in character with the show as possible, but I still want to develop the characters in my own way. So, as a heads-up, this story may become more out of character as the show moves on._

 _The goal of these oneshots are to build Bruce Wayne up to Batman as he learns the tips and tricks of the street, and for Selina to remain tough, but learn to care more about others. I.e, the characters learn and balance out each other, but this happens through simple everyday actions and adventures. I've heard a rumor that the show is going to start developing Bruce's character more in the coming spring, so this puts even more pressure on me as I try to keep the characters relatively in character to the show while still trying to expand on them. [I have one beta reader for my Gotham stories, and she has read and reviewed all of my stories before I publish them. She does not know that much about Batman, so if she doesn't understand something, or if things are out of character, then I know that I need to change the work. She did mention this oneshot was a little out of character, but I don't know how to fix it without taking away all the action. ]_

 _Second off, I really want to thank everyone who has read, reviewed and favorited this. I want to thank **S** **hian1998** and **castielholmeshasthephonebox** especially for the support. You two are awesome, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Thank you for reviewing every one of my Gotham stories, especially the ones I feel weird about._

 _Thirdly, this story itself has over 1,000 views and is already in a community after only two chapters, and it's less than 6,000 words. That blows my mind! Thank you to everyone that has given this rarely updated fic a chance!_

 _Now that I'm done ranting, let's start this gosh darn chapter already!)_

 **Disclaimer: I do not own GOTHAM or any of its characters. Cue obligatory "I'm not dead" scene from "Monty Python and the Holy Grail" as a reminder that I am still alive.**

Pop Some Tags

"Selina, do you really think it's safe to go in there?"

Selina rolled her eyes and grabbed Bruce's arm. The Rich Rat dug his feet into the ground and pulled her back. "Selina, I do not want to go into that place."

Selina suddenly threw herself behind Bruce and pushed him forward. "Come on Bruce, Walmart won't kill you."

Bruce looked at the store with fear in his eyes. "But-"

Selina was just about ready to plant her foot up his butt. How could Bruce be so adamant about not buying things from Walmart? "Seriously, walk into the store. You need to get out more, and you need to know that there are some places that don't sell things with a minimum thousand-dollar price tag."

Bruce bit his bottom lip, but stepped into the Walmart. Good thing too. In another few seconds, Selina would have left a dent in the Prince of Gotham's behind.

The doors swished open for them, and from where they stood at the entrance they could see at least a hundred people milling around the selves. The majority of the people were wearing ratty clothing and half looked as if they hadn't showered in a week. Few people there wore average clothes, and even the employees looked a little underdressed.

Selina looked over at Bruce. Bruce was pale, and his face showed genuine fear. He crossed his arms over his chest, as if someone was going to run up and mug him where he stood.

What a baby.

Selina rolled her eyes and grabbed his upper arm. She started to drag Bruce to the clothes section. "Come on, Rich Rat. We have to get the both of us some new clothes. You remember what we had to do with our old clothes after that heist last week!"

Bruce grunted but said nothing. His eyes darted around, staring at every human that came close to them. He looked like a scared rabbit.

He was going to have to get over it. Selina wouldn't mind if she went shopping at the places Bruce was used to, but then she would just be depending on Bruce to buy things for her. He had to learn that if he was going to "get a better understanding of criminals" he was going to have to learn to live like them. And that meant shopping where the majority of Gotham's street criminals could afford to shop at.

She sighed and yanked him over to a rack of dark colored clothes. As a thief, she needed some clothes that helped her blend in with darker surroundings, and sometimes she found some really stylish black tops at this store. She flipped through the racks, finding a few that caught her interest, but didn't really seem efficient or practical.

Bruce stood next to her, rocking on the balls of his feet. His eyes were still wide, and he looked ready to bolt out of the store at the drop of a hat. Selina paused for a moment and turned to him.

"Bruce," she started, trying to be patient. Sometimes Bruce just refused to get used to his surroundings, and that was the biggest and most basic thing every Street Rat knew how to do in Gotham. If he didn't learn how to do it, he'd be back holed up in his fancy house before the end of the week. "I know that you're uneasy in here, but you have to get over it. People aren't blessed like you, and to some people, like me, this is a luxury store to shop in."

Bruce's eyes widened. "It's really that bad in Gotham?"

Selina gave him a sarcastic look. "I live by stealing whatever I can get my hands on, where I sometimes risk my life to get enough money for a hot meal. Does that sound like the perfect life?"

Bruce stared at his feet for a moment. "I need to donate more of my money Selina." He raised his head and Selina could see the determination in his eyes. "I need to-"

Selina interrupted him. "Bruce, money won't fix Gotham. You could bankrupt yourself trying to help everyone afford basic necessities, but it still wouldn't have a lasting effect." She turned away from the racks and looked him straight in the eyes. "If money could fix everything in a split second, then there wouldn't be a single problem in the world."

Bruce fell silent as Selina went back to searching the racks. He opened his mouth to say something, but he was interrupted by a voice behind him. "Mr. Bruce Wayne?"

Bruce darted behind Selina. Selina turned toward the voice and found that it belonged to a small, older man. The man was hunched over and his hair was completely gray with age. He had a few wrinkles on his forehead, and his casual clothes were just as wrinkled as his face. His eyes were squinty, and he gave a person the impression that he was about to go visit his wonderful, little grandchildren. Hm, not bad, but not good enough for Selina to miss it.

The old man smiled warmly. "Ah, it is you, Mr. Wayne. My name is Gus Wainright, and it is an honor to meet you." The man held out his hand.

Bruce relaxed and made to shake the man's hand. Selina grabbed his arm in an iron grip and forced it back to his side. She cleared her throat and whispered into Bruce's ear. "Just say you're also pleased to meet him."

Bruce put on that dorky (and kind of cute), confused look, but backed down and listened to Selina. He cleared his throat but kept his arm at his side. "It is a pleasure to meet you as well, Mr. Wainright. How are you this fine day?"

Ugh, Bruce was too polite for his own good, and the Street Rats could tell it from a mile away. Selina watched as the man pulled back his hand. "Fine Mr. Wayne," he said, shooting Selina a glare that Bruce didn't catch, "I must say, it is quite odd to find a person like you shopping here. Any reason as to why?"

Bruce nodded toward Selina. "I'm with her shopping for some new street clothes. What are you here for?"

The old man looked down at Bruce's hands. "Oh, you know, just browsing the aisles. I'm trying to find the perfect gift for my grandson, Timothy. He's turning six today, and unfortunately I forgot to get him a gift, so I need to do it now before the birthday party this afternoon." He fidgeted and rubbed his hands together in worry. "Oh, I don't know if I have enough money to pay for a nice gift for him!"

Bruce gave the man a pitying look. Selina knew exactly what Bruce was about to do, so she pinched his arm as hard as she could.

Bruce's mouth opened in a silent scream of pain as Selina spoke up. "Glad to know little Timmy is doing great Mr. Wainright," she said, "now beat it. We've got some shopping to do and we don't deal with scum like you."

The old man's face fell, and he looked like he was about to cry. Bruce glared at Selina, almost furious at the way she treated the old man. Oh boy, she needed to bring him up to speed.

The man raised his hand toward Bruce, apparently not ready to give up his prize just yet. "But, miss, my Timothy-"

Selina pushed herself forward to make it look like she was going to attack the old man. She gave a loud hiss and made to grab at the old man's throat.

The old man turned around and bolted for the exit.

Selina drew back and found Bruce glaring furiously at her. "How could you do that to an old man, Selina?!" Bruce cried, throwing his arms up in frustration.

She held out her hand. "Bruce, shake my hand."

Bruce held out his hand to shake hers, but in a second, she had both hands clasped around his, completely encasing his hand. Selina put on a desperate yet thankful look as she vigorously shook his hand. "Oh, Mr. Wayne, it is an honor to meet you! I can't wait to tell my starving grandchildren that I actually met you!" She pulled her hands back, slightly squeezing Bruce's hand between hers as they slid off of Bruce's hand.

Bruce stared at his hand before finally getting it. "Wait a minute, you rubbed down my hand down as you drew back-"

"-And any jewelry on your fingers would have been in my pocket before you realized it," Selina finished. "It's called the Rich Rat Rob here in Gotham's underworld, and it's the oldest trick in the thief's handbook. Works on Rich Rat women that change their jewelry so often they can't remember the weight they put on their finger." She pulled Bruce's hand to her body and exposed his wrist. She drew along his wrist as she explained. "It also comes in many variations. If you hid a knife in your sleeve, you have a small chance to nick the artery in the wrist and get the jump on someone. That version is called the Nick Pick." She dropped his hand.

Bruce still looked confused. "But why would he try that if I didn't have anything on my fingers? And how could you tell he was fake?"

Selina rolled her eyes and went back to flipping through dark shirts. Hm, that gray one would go nice with her jacket and it was getting chilly out… "First, some Rich Rat men keep watches hidden under their sleeves. It's a bigger risk than a naïve woman, but sometimes the watches could sell for more on the High Black Market, as male kingpins want something to show off their power and they'll pay extra for something stolen from a Rich Rat." She pulled out a dark gray shirt that had a few ruffles on the front of it and held it against her chest. "Would this look good if I'm going to an Auction in the High Black Market?"

Bruce narrowed his eyes in confusion, but nodded. "Uh, yes, the shirt looks good on you." Selina draped the article over her arm as Bruce continued. "What about knowing he was a fake?"

She took one last look at the dark shirts and then moved the both of them over to a different set of clothing. Vibrant greens and baby blues rested nicely on their hangers. Selina started to flip through them. Ivy needed some shirts that actually fit her.

"The second one is easy. First off, his hands didn't shake. When you see an old person, their hands usually shake. Not to mention, that hunch was forced and down too low to be normal."

Bruce was silent as Selina continued to explain. "He stared at your hands, hoping he could do the Rich Rat Rob, and he also played the grandchildren's party card. That's another good ploy that works on Rich Rat women. Makes them think that if they give you a hundred-dollar bill, you'll get your grandchild the best birthday present ever." She paused for a moment to eye a pretty sky blue tunic, but went back to flipping through the racks. "His hair was actually gray, but the wrinkles were made up to make him look older. Another thing was that his voice wasn't scratchy or warbly enough. After living a lifetime of talking to thousands of people and breathing in smog from the cars, you'd think that the guy would have some problems speaking." She pulled out a pale green shirt with pockets on the sides of it. Weird design, but pretty practical for Ivy, who had a habit of collecting any new plant seeds she found.

"Lastly," Selina said as she laid the article over the grey shirt, "to confirm all my suspicions, he ran faster than any older person could manage. Now-" Selina nodded toward the men's clothing aisle "-grab a shirt and a pair of pants. I'm going to browse the aisles and see if we can get any good deals on stuff for our apartment."

She left Bruce standing there before he could say another word. She sighed as she pushed past a woman that looked like she was part of the homeless sector. Hopefully Bruce could shop on his own and not get the clothes robbed off his body.

* * *

A half an hour later, Selina headed over to the men's aisle. She pulled her jacket closer to her body and shuffled the clothes around on her arm. She eyed the people around her and caught some of them who had the same idea as she did. That was pretty cool; it was nice not being the only one.

She tried to look for Bruce's ruffled hair (he had long since given up gelling it back, it would just get messy and dirty while on the street), but couldn't find him.

"Selina!"

Selina whirled around, ready to smack the crap out of the person that snuck up on her, but found Bruce staring at her with his arms full of books. She wrestled her breathing back under control and glared at the Rich Rat. "Bruce, don't sneak up on me! You're lucky I didn't poke your eye out with the hanger!"

Bruce drew back in fear. He cleared his throat and lifted the stack of books in his hands. "Selina, I know that I did not bring my debit card, but can we get these books? Please?" He gave her the biggest puppy dog eyes he could muster.

Was the world's richest kid really begging for her to pay for what looked like trashy romance novels? Selina sighed. "No Bruce, we're not getting the books."

Bruce pouted. "But Selina, these books are so cheap they're practically for free! Please, can we get them?!" He turned up the intensity of his kicked puppy dog look.

Selina narrowed her eyes. "Why do you need trashy romance novels, Bruce?"

Bruce blushed a little and cleared his throat. "I'm doing this for research purposes." Selina gave him a pointed look. Bruce avoided her eyes. "Strictly research purposes," Bruce repeated.

Selina grabbed some of the books out of his hands and glanced at the titles. God, these titles were so cheesy and cliché she was ready to buy some wine and bread. No wonder the books were so cheap. She still shook her head. "Bruce, you don't need these books. The Internet is there for free, and there's a lovely little library that has wonderful Wi-Fi connection. Put these back."

Bruce stuck out his lip in protest and Selina heard the slight tap of his heel clicking against the ground. Wow, was _the_ Bruce Wayne really throwing a mini temper-tantrum in the middle of a Walmart?

The questions that no one would ever think of.

Selina rolled her eyes and shook her head. She turned her back to Bruce and headed for the checkout. "No means no Bruce. Put the books back and we'll go."

"But-" Bruce followed her as the both of them headed through the toys section. Selina stopped dead in front of him, and Bruce almost crashed into her. The curly-haired girl turned around slowly.

"No," she said simply.

Bruce seemed to deflate where he stood. He looked longingly at the books in his arms before sighing and dropping the stack of books onto a nearby shelf. Selina closed her eyes, took a deep breath to get rid of any annoyance, and turned back around. She shuffled the clothes in her arm and started towards the checkout station.

She had only taken five steps when something clamped down on the top of her head. Selina froze for a moment, hoping the headpiece wasn't going to blow up or something crazy like that. She heard footsteps thundering away from her, and that's when she realized that the headpiece was one of those animal-eared headbands. She just couldn't see what it looked like.

If Bruce was running away from her, it was probably bad.

She grabbed a toy mirror off one of the higher shelves and glanced into it. The homeless woman next to Selina stared at her and gave her a confused expression.

Bruce had clamped a Hello Kitty pink-and-white headband onto her head. Well, she was obviously hallucinating. Bruce would only do that if he was suicidal.

Selina turned to the woman next to her. "Excuse me," she asked in her nicest tone of voice, "is there a pink-and-white, Hello Kitty eared headband on my head?"

The woman's confused look only deepened. "You blind girl? 'Course there's a whatchamajiger kitty thing on yur head."

Selina whirled around and saw Bruce peeking his scared face out from behind the end of the toy section. He paled as Selina put on a murderous look that would have had Gordon thinking twice.

"Ah hell no," Selina said, almost whispering the words. She threw down the small bundle of clothes and grabbed the closest thing on the shelf, another one of those animal headbands, and took a step towards Bruce. "You're dead, Bruce Wayne!"

Bruce took off faster than a bat out of hell.

Selina tore after him, her years on the streets easily helping her catch up to boy billionaire. The two of them raced around an aisle, and thundered through into the men's clothing section. Bruce chanced a look behind him, and panicked when he saw Selina catching up to him.

Bruce grabbed a clothing rack and shoved the rack to the ground behind him. Selina leaped over it with ease, barely breaking her speed. Bruce zigzagged around the clothing racks, dodging people and hoping the zig-zag pattern would slow Selina down.

Selina pushed people to the floor as she tore after Bruce. A growl came from Selina's mouth. She was going to get that Rich Rat if it was the last thing she would ever do.

Bruce dove into the cleaning supplies section. A crazy idea popped into his head, and he followed it without thinking. He grabbed a broom off one of the shelves, darted back around the end of the aisle, and bolted for the front of the store.

Selina narrowed down her vision and put a tunnel-vision on Bruce as she thundered after him. Suddenly, a cart slid in front of her, and she screeched to a halt.

A little boy no more than seven, with dirty brown hair and ratty clothing, pulled the cart back toward him. "Sorry, kitty lady, I was just pushing the cart back-and-forth, waiting for my mom. I didn't mean to trip you up." Based on the kid's apologetic expression, the kid wasn't lying.

Selina took closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She could be pleasant to others, no matter how much she wanted to wring a certain Rich Rat's neck. "It's fine," she said, forcing down her anger. She looked wildly around the store, her eyes scanning for where Bruce went.

The kid looked at the animal ears in her hand. "Who's that for? That for that guy who was runnin' fast?"

"Yeah," Selina confirmed as she stood on her toes. Where the hell was that Rich Rat? He was never this hard to find!

The kid looked in the direction she was looking in. "Um, I don't know if this helps, but he looked like he was running to the front of the store."

Selina smiled at the child. He was a smart cookie. "Thanks kid. That guy put this stupid thing on my head, and now I'm off to get revenge." She fished around in one of the full pockets on her jacket and pulled out two dollars. She handed them to the kid. "Here, take these and buy yourself something nice."

The boy shook his head. "Sorry cat lady, but my mom says never to take things from strangers, even money."

A smart cookie with a smart mom. Selina could respect that, more money for her in the end. She shoved the money back into the pocket and shrugged. "Okay then, well, have fun waiting for your mom," she said as she headed for the front of the store.

The kid waved at her back. "Bye cat lady!"

Selina walked calmly to the front of the store, a plan already forming in her mind. She could keep running until Bruce tired himself out, but she would risk tiring herself out in the process. She had to get Bruce close to her, that was the best way to get revenge without draining herself in the process.

She saw Bruce staring at her, a shopping cart on his right that pointed back towards where she came from and a broom in his left hand. He had a serious expression on his face, looking ready to negotiate a deal with the most prestigious men and women in the world.

Yeah, negotiation wasn't going to happen. She was going to shove the bat-eared (weird for a kid's headband, but she supposed that there were some weird kids that wanted to wear bat-ears) headband right up his-

"Selina." Bruce nodded and put on his upper-crust attitude. He gripped onto the shopping cart like his life depended on it. He nervously cleared his throat. "I am sorry for the way I acted. I let my anger control me. Now, I'm sure we could work this out in some way…"

Selina gave a forced, evil smile and Bruce lost more color from his face. "Bruce," she said, making her words sweeter than vanilla ice cream, "you're not going to escape me." She took a few steps closer to Bruce as she spoke. A few people watched as Selina made her way to a pale-looking Bruce Wayne. "You are going to wear this ugly bat-eared headband through the store and you are going to feel the humiliation of having everyone see you wear something stupid. Now," she was a few feet away from him, "get over here and-"

Bruce's next move threw her completely off guard. He took off like lightning and ran back towards the middle of the store, pushing the shopping cart in front of him. Rows of people split like the Red Sea as they watched a panicked Bruce Wayne with a shopping cart and a broom run past them.

Selina rushed after Bruce, and smiled as she saw him slow down slightly. She closed in the distance between them as they rounded the corner of the Fruits and Vegetables section, and she heard Bruce breathing heavily.

She pushed herself closer to her target until she could reach out and grab his back. She grinned as she clamped the bat-eared headband onto Bruce's head.

Bruce barely noticed the weight on his head. He felt Selina close in the distance between them, until he could feel her breath on his neck. He closed his eyes for a split second, sent a quick prayer to the Heavens above, and enacted his plan.

He pushed himself past his limit for a few seconds before throwing himself into the shopping cart. The distance between him and Selina widened, and Bruce gave a loopy grin. He was still out of breath from all the running.

Selina watched as Bruce threw himself into a cart and smile at her. He slammed the tip of the broom against the ground and propelled himself forward. Selina stopped and grinned at Bruce. This was a big store, but it was obvious Bruce didn't remember the path in front of his cart, and he wasn't going to look forward anytime soon.

Bruce shakily stood up in the cart, keeping mind of his balance and center of gravity. He pushed the tip against the ground again and felt the cart speed up a little.

People looked at the boy billionaire as he stretched out his arms and cheered his supposed victory of escaping Selina. Bruce looked at the shocked faces of the people and felt a thrill rush through him. He had never felt this alive before. He had shocked the onlookers, he had escaped Selina, and his on-the-spot plan had worked. He gave a shout of triumph before he noticed a few important details.

Like the fact that Selina had stopped running and had a knowing grin on her face. And that he had forgotten to look forward to see where his cart was heading.

He really couldn't catch a break, could he?

SLAM! The cart came to a sudden stop and Bruce fell backward into an enormous container of fruity energy drinks. He fell through the first layer and gave a small yelp before cans covered his vision. As everything became still, Bruce was suddenly aware that the upper half of his body was covered with cans, and that the lower half of his body was awkwardly shoved forward by the edges of the container. He must have looked like the biggest idiot on the planet.

Knowing everyone and their penchant for slandering the Rich Rats, Bruce's rich "friends" would see his humiliation by tomorrow.

Alfred would never let him live this down.

Bruce saw some of the cans leave his line of sight. Selina picked another can off his face and rolled her eyes. She gave a ghost of a smile as Bruce groaned in pain. "Just a tip, Bruce, you should figure out where you're going before you go."

Bruce groaned in response.

A manager came rushing over as Selina grabbed Bruce's jacket and hauled him out of the energy drinks. Bruce took a few wobbly steps forward as the manager stopped right in front of Selina.

The manager looked ready to breath fire. "What the hell is going on here?!"

Selina put on her best poker face as Bruce struggled to regain his balance. "Nothing much sir, we're just here to shop."

The manager looked shocked. A few people chuckled at the manager's face, and the manager glared at them. He turned back toward Selina. "What kind of shopping was that?!"

Bruce raised his hand to interrupt. "Please sir, this was my fault. I was the one who caused the whole thing." Bruce stood up straight despite the aches all over his body and put on his upper-crust, I-can-fix-this face.

The manager stared at the two teens, one wearing a cat-eared headband and the other wearing a bat-eared headband. He gave an angry sigh before grabbing each of their shoulders. He dragged them off towards the entrance of the store. "You two need to leave right now, and don't bother coming back!"

Bruce tried to protest, but Selina gave him a look that told him that he didn't need to worry. Bruce and Selina didn't protest as the manager stopped them right in front of the entrance, yanked the animal-eared headbands off of their heads, and pushed them out the doors.

Selina and Bruce looked back at the entrance to the store for a moment before turning to each other.

Bruce looked down at the ground. "Selina, I really am sorry for the way I acted. I let my anger control me, and-"

Selina put a hand on his shoulder. "Bruce, don't worry about it. I let my anger get the best of me as well. It's just a single Walmart out of the dozens in Gotham. It's no big deal."

They turned away and walked in silence for a few minutes before Bruce spoke up. "How many things did you steal Selina?" he asked, knowing the girl would've been mad if she had gotten nothing out of the shopping trip.

Selina continued to walk and look straight ahead. She opened her jacket slightly to show Bruce the full pockets on the inside of her jacket. "A few small bars of soap, travel toothpaste, a small bottle of lotion, two nail clippers, three bottles of nail polish, tweezers, a pack of bobby pins, and a few bottles of travel shampoo and conditioner."

They continued walking for a moment before Selina stopped them. She turned to Bruce and sighed. "Well, I got twenty dollars in my left front pocket, want to go check out what Goodwill has?"

Bruce grinned as he nodded his head. "And we're getting those animal headbands if they have them."

Selina chuckled as the two of them changed direction and headed for the Gotham Goodwill. "Come on Bruce, let's go pop some tags."

* * *

 _Again, things may get out of character, but I don't like where the show is taking Bruce and Selina right now (hopefully I will warm up as they expand Bruce's story). That's what this fic is for; it's my therapy for any bad character developments, at least for me._

 _I have noticed, and this does scare me, a huge drop-off of viewers from the first chapter to the second chapter. As in, the first chapter has a little over a thousand views, while the second one is in the mid-300s (from last I checked) . I do not like the huge drop in viewership, so I may move some chapters around and write an intro chapter that helps set the scene a little better than the first one does, or I may rewrite the first chapter altogether. Please, for those that have stuck around this long, write and tell me what might bring more people in._

 _Now, there are three stories I could do from this point. One is a maybe 3000-word one with Pink's "So What" song in it as Bruce and Selina pull a heist, one where Selina and Bruce visit the High Black Market for Auction Day, and one where a character I haven't written yet (and have not planned to) crashes with the two for a few days and would include a reason as to why Bruce Wayne would want romance novels (spoilers, it's not for the steamy parts). I don't know which one I do yet (or if I'll do a different one entirely), but keep a lookout for those. Or you guys could vote on your favorite idea, I am quite indecisive..._

 _Lastly, make sure to review, favorite, follow, or whatever, and check my bio for upcoming stories and other Gotham stories. Usually I update a section of my bio every week, that way people know that I'm not dead, and what I may be focusing on at the time._

 _I don't want to go on to long, so I'm going to end it here, even though there is a lot more I want to talk about. Hope you guys have a good day, I'm off to write a long fic for Ratchet and Clank, and then start writing for Steven Universe, because I'm starting to become addicted to the show._

 _XD_


	4. So What

_(Me in early November: "Hey, I should make a chapter about Bruce and Selina pulling a heist. GOTHAM hasn't done that yet." GOTHAM mid-season finale: Bruce and Selina pull a heist... Me: *sigh* "Everytime..."_

 _Sorry about the long wait for the chapter. I wanted to publish another chapter around December 6th, but that was right in the middle of finals week. Almost immediately after that, I went home for winter break, found out that one of my classmates had died on the journey home, and I entered a month-long writer's block that was so bad I couldn't look at my computer without feeling drained and uninspired. But now, two months from when I posted my last chapter and on the last few days of my winter break [of course], I am ready to write new things for the new year! [I also wait for lulls in uploading before updating my fics]_

 _Thank you to all the people that follow, favorite, review, and just read this story in general. This story is my most popular one (almost 2,700 people have read it) and I couldn't be happier about it. I thought this story wasn't going to receive much attention, but here we are. Again, I apologize for not getting these chapters out faster, but I try to value quality and quantity over quickness._

 _I hope you enjoy this chapter [I can't help but worry about the quality of all my chapters], one that shows where Bruce is at relative to his goal of understanding criminals. One thing GOTHAM does not seem to do well is grow their characters [this is my opinion, this may not be yours], and I intend to show how Bruce will grow during his time with Selina in this story. As such, the first two chapters are introductory chapters to help get you used to the world, and this set of four chapters [Pop Some Tags, So What, Buying Black, and Birds of a Feather] are going to show you were I put Bruce's and Selina's skills and emotions based on the things they know up to this point. I am committed to showing their growths as characters, as well as broaden the Gotham Underworld, which GOTHAM never seems to do unless it's a surprise [again, this is just my opinion, it is most likely different from yours]._

 _Anyway, enough of my senseless ramblings, let's get on with the story!)_

 **Disclaimer: I do not own GOTHAM or any of its characters OR the song "So What " by P!NK. I also... can't think of a witty contrast right now... Huh.**

So What

Bruce looked to Selina, worried about their plan. "Selina," he said quietly, despite the silence in the alleyway, "I do not feel comfortable about this, especially about what might happen to you."

Selina looked down at her short, black dress. It didn't have that much sparkle as it did ruffles, both near the neck area and near the bottom area of the dress. It didn't have sleeves either, only straps, so she was forced to wear her jacket over it in order to maintain a little bit of warmth. The fabric wasn't thin or showy, but it was sheer around her midriff. Selina had styled her hair in a way that made her look like an uncaring, hip punk rocker, and tiny, silver wrist cuffs lay clipped around her wrists, reflecting some of the moonlight. She looked back to Bruce and shrugged her shoulders. "I don't see anything wrong with it."

Bruce huffed and gestured to her dress. "The dress is much too short for my liking, and it gives people the wrong impression!"

Selina glared at Bruce, who was comfortably wearing jeans, an old Pink Floyd T-shirt, and a black zip-up jacket. It was bad enough that it was a bit too chilly for it to be an October night and that the alleyway they were in smelled like the sewer. She did not need Bruce to complain about her wardrobe five seconds before they started their heist. "Bruce, this is part of the plan."

Bruce muttered something under his breath. Selina sighed as she rubbed the bridge of her nose. "Okay, Bruce, here's the first part of your test. Repeat the plan back to me, just so I know that you listened to everything I've been telling you for the past few hours."

Bruce nodded, straightened his back, and placed his hands behind his back just like a certain butler would have done. "We are pulling a heist at a bar called 'The Creaky Joint.' You will go in and sing Pink's 'So What' in order to draw attention away from me. I will go in and pick the pockets of the patrons. Overall, this is a test for me in order to show how much I have learned in the few weeks I have lived with you. And because the Stash is nonexistent." Bruce groaned and rubbed his hands absentmindedly. "And so that I don't have to fight your cats for food."

Selina smiled. "Good. But why am I singing a rock song and why am I wearing this dress?"

Bruce stood there thinking for a moment. "So you can distract the patrons with your body?" he said hesitantly.

Selina rolled her eyes. "You make it sound like I'm going stripping. I'm going to sing a rock song in this dress because there are more men than women in this bar, and because a loud rock song can cover the noise you might make. You aren't really skilled when it comes to pickpocketing, so if you make more noise than you intend to, the loudness of the song will cover your tracks." She pulled out a compact mirror from her jacket pocket. Last chance to add anything to her look.

"A rock song also help pumps up the crowd and gets their blood rushing, and a 'screw everything' kind of song helps them make the decision to spend more of their money, making it easier for you to swipe more stray cash," she said as she looked for anything out of place that she might have missed earlier. She snapped her compact shut and looked at Bruce. "Despite what many people think, there is a sort of science to crime."

Bruce shrugged. "I never really thought about it before."

Selina shrugged her shoulders and checked her watch. "Alright, I got a minute until showtime." She grabbed Bruce's arm and lead him to the front entrance of the bar. Before she stepped inside, she turned back toward Bruce. "Think about it from a scientific perspective." Her eyes narrowed and frowned. "And you better get some good things for me to pawn," she said seriously. Selina then took a deep breath and entered the bar, the doors closing softly behind her.

Okay, Bruce could do this. All he had to do was pickpocket a few patrons, and he would pass the test Selina had made for him. After all, he _had_ learned a lot in the few weeks they had been living together. It wasn't like he was completely inept.

He took a deep breath. He could do it. It would be simple; go in, swipe some stuff, and leave a few seconds before Selina ended her song. As soon as Bruce steeled his nerves, he stepped inside the bar.

Selina was already on the other side of the room, talking to the stage manager. The stage manager wore an obscure rock band T-shirt and had hair so long Bruce was sure it would cost a small family's fortune to shampoo it clean. Both of them weren't waving their arms wildly, so it was safe to assume Selina wasn't going to start or get into a bar fight anytime soon.

Bruce studied the rest of the room. Patrons littered the counters at the bar, yelling at bartenders and jostling each other out of their ways. There was a small dance floor set up for those that wanted to dance to the music (though Bruce had heard from Selina that it was a way for men in the crowd to get a closer view of the performer). There was a weird smell in the air, and Bruce looked to his right to see a smoking lounge near the stage. The place was mostly dark, and Bruce could probably guess why. He looked over at the booths where people were sitting and caught a tiny growth of mold littering the ground near the booth. Before Bruce could cringe at the wild growth of mold, he caught a drunk man near the bar vomiting onto the floor. Overall, it was definitely not a place for a boy billionaire. Or a billionaire. Or a boy. Or anyone in general.

Bruce held back his urge to shudder as he felt his shoes stick to the floor and focused on the stage. He sat down at a nearby empty table and watched as Selina stepped onto the stage. He took a deep breath to calm his nerves, and regretted it almost immediately. He could taste the tar-like smoke in the air. "Showtime," he remarked as he tried to ignore the taste in his mouth.

Selina held the microphone up to her mouth. " _Na na na na na na, na na na na na na!_ "

Well, the upside to this place was that it had somewhat decent acoustics. The mic didn't whine or crackle, and Selina sounded amazing from where Bruce sat. He heard her repeat the "na, na" part and then move onto the first part.

" _I guess I just lost my husband / I don't know where he went._ "

Alright, time to move. Bruce stood up from his chair and headed toward the bar. Selina told him to think of crime like a science. Fine, he could do that. The bar seemed like a good place to start; people were looking to spend money and they probably already had their money out. He walked over to the bar as quickly as he could without looking suspicious.

" _So I'm gonna drink my money / I'm not gonna pay his rent._ "

At that line, Bruce saw a few people lift their glasses to Selina, a kind of "Hallelujah!" to the truth of the song. Those same people then turned and held out their money for another drink.

Selina _was_ right. It was like she was buttering them up before she fried them up like lobsters… This probably wasn't the best time to be thinking about Alfred's cooking…

Bruce studied the people at the bar and tried to pick a target. Hm, on the far left of the bar was a man sitting alone, and he had a wallet poking out of his back pocket. Okay, he could do this.

" _I wanna get in trouble / I wanna start a fight!_ "

Bruce kept his eyes to the floor and hunched over slightly, like he saw Selina do. He crept up to the man and quickly pinched his fingers around the corner of the wallet.

The man shifted in his seat and Bruce quickly pulled the wallet from his back pocket. He turned around, walked a few feet away, and opened the wallet. He grabbed the cash and few of the credit cards. He then turned back around and tried to put the wallet back into the man's back pocket.

" _So, so what? / I'm still a rock star / I got my rock moves / And I don't need you!_ "

As Bruce tried to put back the man's wallet, the man shifted. "What the hell is wrong with my back pocket?" he said, reaching for the pocket.

Bruce dropped the wallet and quickly rushed off toward the smoking lounge.

" _Uh, check my flow, uh._ " Selina watched as Bruce hurried to the smoking lounge. She resisted the urge to roll her eyes, but then inwardly shrugged. He was just getting into the crime thing after all. He couldn't be expected to clean the place of its cash on the first heist he pulled. She inwardly sighed. She'd probably need to pull a few jobs when Bruce wasn't looking to make up for the lack of money he'd bring in, but if he wanted to understand criminals and she had the ability to help him, then maybe she could live with a little more work. And with Bruce not spouting his "Be A Good Person" sermon everytime she brought home something expensive.

Maybe she could give him a little more help. Selina tried adding simple dance moves to her act and hoped that that would keep people distracted from Bruce.

Bruce heard Selina start the second verse of the song (and hear her swear like she wanted to when she first picked the song), and quickened his pace. He slipped between patrons as he tried to single out a target. There were few people at the lounge, however there was a large group of people near the edge of the smoking lounge. There were a few men there, and there were two girls with them. Next to the girls sat large, knockoff purses. Okay, one of the girls' purses was at the edge of the booth. If he grabbed the purse, then he could pull out the wallet and swipe the cash and cards. Simple. Easy.

" _What if this song's on the radio / Then somebody's gonna die / I'm gonna get in trouble / My ex will start a fight._ "

Bruce hid at the other side of the booth, waited until everyone at the table was distracted, then pulled the purse to his side. He quickly pulled it to his hiding spot, then opened the clasp of the purse.

The inside of the purse was an utter mess. Two cartons of cigarettes leaned against an iPhone (which Bruce was sure was a knockoff) that had a gold watch wrapped around it (definitely knockoff, these people couldn't afford something like that). There was more makeup in this bag than in a Mabelline ad, and there were more than a few "feminine products" that Bruce knew about but was still a little grossed out to touch. Receipts were everywhere, and the wallet the purse held was enormous and bulging.

Bruce heard Selina start to repeat the chorus. Crap, he barely had time to do anything. He unclasped the wallet and found an inch of cash trapped inside. Bruce swiped the cash out as quickly as he could before fumbling with the credit and debit cards. He slid them out of the pocket and quickly shoved the wallet back into the purse. He glanced at the people sitting in the booth, waited for a distraction, then placed the purse back onto its spot next to the woman. The second his fingers left the purse he bolted away from the smoking lounge.

" _You weren't there / You never were…_ "

Bruce bit his lip as he thought of where he could go next. He just left the smoking lounge, and he wasn't the best dancer (except when it came to ballroom dancing, Alfred was very much his army-commander, putting-my-foot-down self during that period), so where would he go next? He could try the bar again, but this time he could head to the opposite direction of the bar from where his first target was, that way he wouldn't be recognized by his first victim. A small smile made its way onto Bruce's face as he casually walked to the other end of the bar.

" _I gave you love / I gave my all…_ "

Crap, the song was almost over and Bruce knew that he hadn't gotten enough, at least by Selina's standards. He scanned the bar for a target before seeing something that set his blood boiling.

A heavyset man, completely drunk based on the way he was using the side of the bar as a crutch, leered at Selina as she sang and danced. He wore clothes that were covered in filth, not that his skin looked any cleaner. He looked her up and down in a way that made Bruce physically sick. The worst part was that the man had the hungriest looking grin on his face.

" _So, so what? / I'm still a rock star / I got my rock moves!_ "

At that moment, the man chose to shout out, "I'd love to see those moves after your show, whore!"

On stage, Selina rolled her eyes, but continued singing. There was always that one guy or girl. Sure, a bar was a place where you would expect drunk people to be, but there were always a few people that took things way too far and ruined everyone's time. Like this guy. Best way to avoid him was beat it out the door with Bruce as soon as she was finished, and if things got bad, kick the guy's ass into next week and leave an anonymous tip for the GCPD. It wasn't something she couldn't handle.

Off stage, Bruce's fingers curled into fists and he gritted his teeth in rage.

The boy stormed over to the drunken man, who was currently making obscene gestures at Selina. Bruce nudged past people as he zeroed in on his target. This man was not going to get away with disrespecting Selina and threatening her honor.

He stopped just in front of the man, barely containing his urge to throttle the drunkard where he stood. The drunk male looked to his side and saw Bruce with a murderous expression on his face. "Whadda ya want, booy?" the man asked, slurring almost all his words.

Bruce shook as he shouted above the music. "Do not make those type of gestures and comments at her. It is rude and it makes her look terrible in front of others."

The man drunkenly laughed and stumbled slightly. "Oh, so you wanna a taste too, eh? Heh, guess the little whore gets around-"

Bruce's fist slammed into the man's face before the drunkard could say another word.

Almost immediately everyone on the dance floor and near the bar stopped listening to the song and formed a ring around Bruce and the drunk man. Someone was about to get their ass kicked, and that was a lot better entertainment than a girl singing a rock song.

The crowd around the two of them chanted, "Fight! Fight! Fight!" in a hypnotic fashion that only served to raise Bruce's anger and adrenaline levels. The boy watched as the drunk lifted his head and spit blood at his feet. "You're dead boy," the man growled as he swung his right fist at Bruce's face.

Bruce held up his arms, just like Alfred taught him too, and tried to block the punch as best he could. The force of the punch was a lot stronger than he would have guessed, and Bruce was sure he would have bruises on his arms the next morning. Before he could think of an efficient counter-attack, the drunk threw another punch at the boy's face. Bruce barely ducked out of the way in time.

Bruce ducked again as another punch sailed over his head. Not a split second later and the other fist hit Bruce's stomach. Bruce grimaced as the hit connected, but it didn't hurt as much as it would have had the drunk man not been flailing his fists around. Bruce ducked out of the way in order to gain some space from his enemy. He couldn't fight with the drunk that close to him. If he could just get some space-

Bruce was now a few feet from the drunk man, who was starting to pant with exhaustion. Perfect, the man was weak, now was his chance to strike. Bruce took a few steps forward and slammed his fist back into the man's mouth again. A stab of pain shot through his fingers and Bruce shook his hand out from his punch.

The drunkard reeled back and gave a screech of pain. Bruce watched as he leaned over and spat out blood. When he looked back at Bruce, he gritted his teeth, proudly displaying the space where one of his canines had been. He roared as he lunged at his opponent.

Bruce backpedaled to the side and watched as the man crashed headfirst into a crowd of patrons. He grinned smugly as the man came back around and the ring closed back around them. He could definitely win his fight. The man was drunk and that made it easier to predict his moves.

"Come on, you slobbering drunk!" Bruce taunted, his adrenaline making him almost light-headed with giddiness. He spread his legs to keep his balance and put up his arms. "That all you've got?!"

The drunk came at him, still quick, but not a bum rush like last time. Bruce saw the man's fist head for the left side of his head, so he leaned his head to his right-

The punch stopped midair and Bruce felt an iron-toed boot slam into the open space between his legs.

Funny, it looked a lot less painful in cartoons. And in comedy movies. And in real life when it happened to some other poor shmuck that wasn't yourself.

Bruce sucked in air as his hands shot to his crotch. He bent over double and fell to his knees, his eyes tearing up in response to the pain. He had never been kicked in the crotch before and holy crap did it hurt like hell.

Bruce looked up to see the drunk man standing over him, with almost the exact same smug grin that had been plastered on Bruce's face not more than a minute ago. He laughed. "Whassamatta boy? Can't takekit like aman?"

Bruce tried to stand, but cringed as he moved. He bit his lip and doubled over, his face bright red with shame and pain.

The bar was silent for a moment. Suddenly, a loud pitch came from the speakers, one so loud it made everyone in the crowd cringe and cover their ears. It continued on for a moment before a mike, still connected to its cord, slammed into the back of the drunkard's head. His eyes rolled back into his head and Bruce dodged out of the way as the drunk man fell face first onto the floor.

He stood up slowly and looked to where the mike had come from.

Selina stood on stage, coolly rolling up the cord. She glared at the crowd after she go the mike back into her hand. "Just so you know," she said to the ring of people surrounding Bruce, "it's really rude to interrupt a girl's song just so you can watch two idiots have a discount boxing match."

A guy from the other side of the bar shouted, "Yeah, well, you weren't that good anyway!"

Selina took a step forward and started to loosen the coil of cord in her other hand. "Yeah, well, I'm a hell of a lot better at whipping this microphone at you, so if you don't shut up, you'll get hit so hard you'll hear the feedback for a week!"

The man backed down at that threat.

Selina rolled her eyes. "Thank you everybody! Hope you all find some respect and manners at the bottom of your bottles." She walked off stage and handed the mike to the stage manager, who had a very angry look on his face.

"You know Selina," Shaggy said as he grabbed the somewhat damaged mike, "that isn't really how we handle sound equipment, or how we talk to the customers at this bar."

Selina shrugged. "Hey, my friend was starting to get his ass kicked and my whip trick ended everything pretty quickly. Mike should be a little scratchy, maybe dented from hitting the guy on the back of the head, but nothing you can't fix."

The stage manager narrowed his eyes. "Fine, but if you ever come back here, show me how to do that whip trick. It looked hella epic from my side of the stage."

Selina smirked. "Why, you want to damage more sound equipment and anger more customers?"

The stage manager laughed. "Look, I'll give you a week to get money for the repairs to the mike, and if you teach me how to do that whip trick, I'll let you perform again. Just don't attack anymore customers."

Selina sucked in a breath threw her teeth and pretended she wasn't relieved by the offer. "I don't know Shaggy, a meal and drinks add to the entertainment of my next performance…"

The stage manager lost all expression. "Get out," he deadpanned, probably done with everything that had happened in the last fifteen minutes.

Selina smirked again as she walked away. "Girl's got to try," she called back to Shaggy, who in turn rubbed the bridge of his nose.

Bruce was waiting by the entrance, clutching his stomach. Now that his adrenaline had gone down, his body had started to ache. He saw Selina walk towards him, and he lowered his head in shame. "Selina…"

Selina shook her head. "Nope. Never discuss your results in a place that you haven't marked as safe. Back to my apartment, then we'll discuss how you did."

She headed out the entrance and Bruce followed slowly behind her, trying desperately to quell the choking feelings of embarrassment and shame.

* * *

"Alright."

Bruce sat on the couch with an ice pack on his crotch and his arms over his stomach. He watched as Selina dragged a large white board in front of him, one of her more recent finds that was really helpful for planning out the specifics for a heist.

"Let's go over your performance for this heist," she said, uncapping an Expo marker.

Bruce groaned. "Selina, I did terrible and most likely failed the test. We don't need to go over what we already know."

Selina kicked one of his outstretched legs, getting his attention. "Haha Bruce, but if you don't review what you did, you won't get any better at learning the Street Rats' criminal ways. Now, sit up and explain to me what you did."

Bruce sighed, but listened to Selina. "When you started your song, I headed over to the bar, quickly but not quickly enough to warrant suspicion. I was also hunched over slightly, and I kept my eyes downcast, like I saw you do on the tag-along heist."

Selina drew a slightly off-center T-chart and wrote "Good" on the left side and "Wrong" on the right. She wrote "Posture before heist" in the Good section before turning back to him.

"I went up to this guy," Bruce continued, "and my first instinct was to pick his pocket. Sure enough, there was a wallet in his back pocket, and I took it out."

Selina scribbled "Pickpocketing guy at bar" onto the Good side. She then opened out her hand. "Wallet please," she said to Bruce.

Bruce grabbed the cash and cards in his jacket pocket and handed them to Selina. He hoped that what he could get was enough.

Selina raised an eyebrow at the wad of cash and cards, but took the loot. She immediately threw the cards to the floor and held each bill up to the light. Bruce watched with confusion as she neatly folded the bills and placed them in her jacket pocket. Then, without speaking, Selina wrote "Taking items from wallet" into the Wrong section. "Tell me what you did wrong here," she said to Bruce, who was still looking at her with confusion.

Bruce raised a finger. "I got the debit and credit cards, aren't they worth something?"

Selina picked up one of the cards from the floor and showed it to Bruce. "Okay, now I get to teach you more of the basics. First off, the problem with credit and debit cards is that they are trackable. Any purchase that we make could trigger the bank to make a phone call to our victim, cancelling our purchases and putting us in debt to those we bought from. The second thing about these cards is that they are like lottery tickets." Selina studied the back of the card for a moment. "Thing is, not a lot of people in Gotham have a lot of money in their bank account, so it's a bit of a risk to use these cards. Debit cards, if they don't have enough money on them, can be declined, and while credit cards are based on credit, we have no idea how good the credit score is to that person. If a person with a good score has it go down dramatically, they'll alert the bank, and we'll be back to the same problem with the debit card."

Selina dropped the card to the floor. "Cards really aren't worth your time. Secondly, you took the cash from the wallet when you weren't in a safe place."

Bruce nodded. "Then, what was I supposed to do?" he asked slowly, mentally taking notes.

Selina shrugged. "Wallet's already holding the money, and you don't risk having the cash spilling out of your pocket when you just take the whole thing. Wallets can be bulky, but then again, it boils down to how you hide the wallet. But that's a whole other thing altogether." She took her Expo marker out from under her arm and tapped the white board. "Alright, so you got the guy's wallet and took cash and cards, what happened next?"

Bruce moved his ice pack to his knuckle, which had actually been cut open in his fight with the drunk man. "I tried to put the wallet back in his pocket, but he noticed so I dropped the wallet and walked away from the bar to the smoking lounge."

Selina wrote "Tried to put wallet back" onto the Wrong side. "Think of this like a night of Halloween. There are bowls of candy at every door and you have a limited amount of time to trick-or-treat."

Bruce chuckled. "I think you're thinking of somewhere else. Bowls of free candy, that wouldn't last long in Gotham."

Selina rolled her eyes but gave Bruce a little smile. "Fine, then think of it as a Halloween night in a little suburb where there are innocent little kids, insane soccer moms, white-collared dads and cats that steal your laundry you hang out to dry, or whatever happens in the suburbs." Her face became serious again. "You see a giant bowl of candy, almost filled to the brim, and decide to take a handful instead of two pieces. So you grab a handful, but, do you stop and survey what you got, or do you run back to the car driven by your PTA parent and have her take you to the next neighborhood with candy bowls?"

Bruce thought about it for a moment before answering. "I would look at what I got, but I'm guessing the right answer is to take it and run."

Selina smiled and clapped. "There you go, now you're getting it. When you stay behind to survey what you got, you put yourself in a place where you could get caught, and if you are on a limited time frame, that may also mean that you are sacrificing more candy with every second you waste. Another analogy would be bank robbers: they aren't going to stop and track how much money they're putting into their bags, they're going to shove everything they can into their bags and divvy it up when they get to a safe place."

Selina thought about something for a moment before speaking up again. "The only time where you might want to survey what you grab is a jewel heist, or something to where there is a large amount of the same thing and you've gone there for specifics." She waved her hands at herself. "For example, if I was robbing a museum of their fifty gemstones and could only grab twenty-one in the time that I have, then I would need to spare a second to take a closer look at the gemstone. If there are two rubies and I need to grab a specific one, it would benefit me to look for any markings of identification, instead of wasting time and other gems trying to grab both." She paused for a moment to collect her thoughts, but then spoke up again. "Oh, and by the way, don't try and put the wallet or any of that stuff back where you found it. People notice it more when you try to put it back and it's out of its original place."

Bruce leaned back on the couch. It really was a science when it came down to it. "Okay, so next time, just take the wallet and run. Got it."

Selina waved at him to continue the story.

"I walked away from the bar and headed over to the smoking lounge, where I found a group of men and women sitting at a booth. One of the women was sitting on the end and had her purse near the edge of the seat. I hid behind one end of the booth and grabbed the purse." He closed his eyes and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "I now know that I should have just taken the wallet and ran, so we don't need to review that."

Selina tapped the end of her marker against her mouth. "What was in the purse?" she asked calmly.

Bruce shrugged. "A wallet with a whole lot of cash in it, makeup, feminine products, a knockoff iPhone, and a knockoff gold watch."

Selina didn't hold out her hand like she did last time. Instead she asked a simple question. "How did you know if those things were knockoff?"

Bruce rolled his eyes. "Selina, those people couldn't afford that stuff… unless… they stole it…"

That dawning moment of realization that came at the worst times was really annoying.

Selina smiled and held out her hand. Bruce forked over the stack of cash he had taken from the girl's wallet, and Selina immediately held each of them up to the light.

"Counterfeit, counterfeit, real, counterfeit, counterfeit, counterfeit, real…" she said as she dropped the fake bills to the floor.

Bruce watched as she handed him back the stack of bills. "We'll teach you the difference later," she said, tapping her marker on the board.

Bruce nodded. "So to sum up the entire lesson in a few words, next time I need to just steal everything I can carry?"

Selina grinned. "I'm more particular to stealing everything that isn't nailed down. Stealing all you can carry really clutters up your arms and makes it hard to open a door or hold more stuff."

Bruce cracked a small smile as Selina wrote "Knockoff or not" onto the Wrong section.

Selina's smile grew as she turned back around to Bruce. "Now we get to my favorite part."

Bruce groaned. "I got my butt kicked into next week. Next time I need to control my emotions and try not to start a fight."

Selina waved her marker at him. "First off, you were doing really well until you got cocky. Second, yes, while it is good not to let some drunk idiot making dumb comments about me set you off into a blind rage, you will get into a few fights now and again, whether you start them or not."

Bruce nodded. "What's the abridged version of the lesson for the fight? It's really late and I know that you like to get as much sleep as possible."

Selina held up two fingers. "One, don't fight drunks. Despite the dulled senses, alcohol can make them unpredictable and they can give you a surprise attack. Second," she said, grinning like a madman, "don't get kicked in the nuts. And if you do, try to shrug it off, it's a very popular move in the Underworld."

"Besides," she exclaimed as she looked Bruce right in his eyes. "We can't have those Wayne family jewels of yours getting damaged now, can we?" She gave him her slyest smile and whispered, "And you know how I feel about jewels, don't you Bruce?"

The look on Bruce's face was worth every single moment of the extra jobs she needed to pull. The boy billionaire was so embarrassed he shot up from where he sat and bolted for the bathroom, tripping over his own feet in his hurry. "SorrySelinait'sreallylateI'mgoingtoshowerandstuff!" The boy bolted into the bathroom before slowly coming back out a moment later. He went back over to the couch, lifted up one of the pillows, and grabbed his pajamas and his towel before heading back for the bathroom.

Selina laughed as poor Bruce stepped back into the bathroom, his ears as red as his face. Alfred taught him well, he was way too much of a gentleman to try anything like that. That was one of the things she liked about Bruce, he was always kind of like what Selina wanted to be, someone who wasn't corrupted by Gotham's poisonous ways. Someone who could resist temptation no matter how tempting it was. Bruce may not have his parents, but he still tried to be a nice person and stand up for what he believed in.

That, and Home Depot had to see the color of Bruce's face when he was super embarrassed. It'd put the red colors in the paint section to shame.

* * *

 _Questions I need to answer: 1) I don't know anything about Pink Floyd, I just see everyone wear their shirts, so please don't ask me about them. 2) If you thought Bruce ate cat food, you may have forgotten that I made Selina give her cats tuna in the first chapter. Cue image of Bruce trying to push cats out of the way so he could eat their tuna... and being chased by cats. 3) Selina is turning into Lady Exposition at this point, but she is my only way to introduce you to the Gotham Underworld until I can get in some new and old characters into this story. For now she is Lady Exposition, next chapter there will be a different person in the Exposition spotlight._

 _The next chapter, Buying Black (for those of you that were thinking that I would only mention it and not have the characters use it), will be about Bruce and Selina exploring the Low and High Black Markets. You will finally get to see what I have been mentioning in most of my other Gotham stories. Along with the description of the Black Markets, a wild OC will appear and Bruce may or may not get into another fight (I'm still debating this one). You will also be introduced to a few gangs, Street Rat traditions, and the infamous Auction Stage. This also may take a longer time to get out, because I can just see my future word count go higher and higher with each new teaser piece._

 _Or, if it takes too long, I will insert an Interlude to help keep you guys entertained._

 _Speaking of teaser pieces, a user by the name of **TheOnlyKing** sent me a review for  A Joke the World Will Know asking me to update the completed story. At first, I was frustrated that the COMPLETE tag was not obvious enough, until I got to thinking. And really got to thinking. _

_I have a new story idea, and the story will be multichaptered like this. It has 22 chapters planned and may have the length of a novel when finished. This story will be about Jerome morphing into the Joker (like that **really** hasn't been done before!), but this story will not included any sappy or cliche OC romance and the focus, the majority of the time, will be on Jerome. I like to follow the comics, so many of the elements in there will be comic-related, and if I don't know what else to do for something, I will insert the Arkhamverse personalities. If you enjoyed  A Joke the World Will Know and/or want to have more Joker, then keep an eye out for my upcoming story, **Wild Card**. The downside to this is that I will be struggling to keep both this and **Wild Card** updated and produce more new stories for the other Fanfiction categories I write for. So, while there will be a new Joker story coming up, it may not be updated as often as you may like it to be. _

_Thank you again for giving this fic a chance. I never thought my stories could be popular, and I am really glad that you guys proved me wrong. If you want to read more of my other stories while you wait for Buying Black, check out my bio and don't forget to follow, favorite, and review. Until next time... (I know these intros and outros are too long, but it's the only way I can really talk to you guys and give you any upcoming news.)_

 _XD_


	5. An Update to My BCSR Readers

Just a Little Update to My BCAS Readers

Alright, I've never done this before, but I do need to say a few things.

First off, don't freak out, because I am **NOT** Discontinuing the story. I do want to write it, and I am working on chapters for it, however…

1\. I am slammed with schoolwork right now. I procrastinated and now I am going to feel the after-effects for a few weeks. I do not have time to write much, and on the off-chance that I do, I am completely drained from schoolwork.

2\. There is a HUGE drop-off of views from the first chapter to the second. If you want the stats, about 3,800 people have read this fic. Over 2,000 people have read the first chapter, barely 1,000 people have read the second chapter, and the drop-off continues from there. Because of this drop-off, I will be inserting a proper intro chapter, and I will be editing the first two chapters (I am a little dissatisfied by how they turned out) in an attempt to fix these numbers. They will keep the same idea, but I will fix up the grammar and dialogue.

3\. I have been working on an Interlude chapter. Yes, I have started Chapter 5, but I haven't worked on it as much as I planned. I have more written in the Interlude than I do on Chapter 5, so the Interlude is going to be published as soon as I finish writing and editing it.

4\. As an avid fanfic reader and writer, I have begun to notice that many promising fictions have barely gotten any reviews, causing them to be discontinued. I have been reviewing as many stories as I can in my free time, trying to give them the reviews they need to survive. This means that I am constantly reading and reviewing stories, and barely have time to do much else.

Second off, I have stopped watching GOTHAM. It got to the point where I was constantly yelling at every character every other minute, and getting furious over the writing of the show. I know that seems a bit harsh, but I just don't like where the show has gone. I think I will mostly stick to Season 1 and 2 if I continue to write stories for Gotham, or in a time that is far in Gotham's future (like _A Question Yet to Be Asked_ ). I stopped at the point where Selina forgave her mother, and I haven't continued on from there. I know what has happened in the more recent episodes (I don't mind having episodes spoiled for me, you can tell me all you want), so I'm not completely in the dark.

Third off, I am going to be on temporary hiatus (except on reviewing things) until summer. I am loaded with classes this semester, and I barely have time to write. The rest of this semester is going to be me building up a supply of oneshots and chapters so I can publish if I do not have the time or energy to write, that way I don't have to struggle with updating once a month.

So, with all that being said, here's my plan:

The rest of March will be me writing oneshots and chapters when I can. That seems like a short period of time, however…

The entire month of April is going to be me working on an enormous fanfic that is a birthday gift to another user. She's done a lot for me in the past, and I want to gift her with a Crossover fic of her two favorite fandoms on her birthday, which is in early May. I will be devoting all of my writing motivation to that fic, and hopefully I can get it out on time for once.

May will be when I am slammed with end-of-semester exams. No writing will take place during these days, because school will always come first. After those test-taking days (I should be done by the halfway point), I'm going to do what I should have done a year ago. _Soothing an Angry Enigma_ will get its second and third chapter, and I will post one sometime in June, and the final chapter on July 24, the one year-anniversary for the fic. _Bats, Cats, and Street Rats_ , along with a few other Gotham oneshots and stories, will begin again as soon as I build up the chapters for them, so maybe early July.

I know. It really sucks. But it's been almost three months since I updated this story (and anything in general) and I still don't have anything ready. I need to take time to finish up this semester and build up a supply of chapters so that there will be something that I can publish for when I don't have time to write anything.

I hope you guys can understand. Again, I'm not Discontinuing, but I do need to fix this thing up and take time to plan ahead. I can't thank all of you enough, for supporting, following, and favoriting this fic. It really means a lot to me, and that's why I am sorry that I have to go on hiatus, but this has to be done.

Alright, I've yammered on enough. I'm going to head to my next class and I'll see you guys in a few months, when I fix this fic up.


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